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3

2012
2012

Directed by Roland Emmerich

The ratings I assign should reflect the quality of the TEotWaWKI survival advice, not the movie itself. This is difficult when a good movie steers you wrong, like 28 Days / Weeks Later, or a poorly written book chock full of excellent tips. For the movie 2012, though, I have no such difficulties. This is truly a bad movie unredeemed by any useful pointers. It's not really the director's fault. The end of the world event is so catastrophic that there's nothing you can do, despite the implausible ending of this story.

The movie is bad on so many different levels. You have nearly every cliché present. You have implausible action after implausible action. I mean, truly, how many times do we have to see an air plane find the only safe flight path by flying under something improbable? And to top it all off, it was way too long. John Cusack must answer for this. How can an actor of such quality associate himself with this crap?

If you're a teenage boy or you have nothing else to do and don't mind wasting money, then I suppose you should see this. It does have some astounding special effects, even if they do defy your ability to suspend disbelief. Just remember, if we are faced with an astronomical event of this magnitude, the only thing you can do is make peace with your God and then throw one hell of a party.

3

From:    billdrinkmore@bill-lenoir.com
Subject: Experiences from the Zombie War
Date:    October 29, 2009 6:18:44 PM EDT
To:      editor@rapidan-publishing.com

To whom it may concern,

I am writing in regards to your request for remembrances 
from the war. Please feel free to contact me if you have any 
questions or need clarification.

Thanks,
Lt. Col. Z. William Drinkmore, Ret.

The child is dead.

I can see him, down hill about 200 yards away, just off the road.

And, yes, despite his longish blond hair gently waving in the wind like a prayer flag, he is a boy. I can tell even from this distance: his head is about a foot too far from his shoulders and his hands are bound behind his back.

The raiders wouldn't have done that to a girl, too valuable. Even if it means walking miles with her slung over a shoulder. But a boy? A small one? Probably couldn't get enough work out of him to justify the food he'd eat. Certainly not someone they would have slowing the group down.

The shade and breeze just inside the tree-line takes the edge off of the early spring heat. It's a good spot to catch my breath.

It's sad, really. Not the fact of the dead boy, but that it means so little to me. I've seen too much to readily give a shit anymore. It's energy wasted on what cannot be changed.

I look at the boy again. Thankfully, I cannot see his face. I gnaw some jerky.

The zombies don't worry me. Though raiders are truly an ill wind, they do have one side benefit: They leave no undead in their wake.

I break cover and stop, looking for movement in the bushes opposite signaling, perhaps, the rousting of a guard. Nothing.

I move along the tree line until I'm directly above the boy. Still, nothing.

I run down hill, more of a controlled fall. I lose my balance on the last stride, slamming into the road in a near face plant.

The only noise is the sound of the air I struggle to suck back into my lungs. If they're out there, I'm dead, or worse.

No, I hear the birds now. That's always good. They go quiet when Zed's around.

Most roads clearly show the fact that there hasn't been traffic for nearly a year. The build up of dirt and the weeds growing in the cracks. Not to say they're useless, just unused.

This road, however, clearly shows the passage of a large group. These guys have no fear of the undead or other humans. And why should they? They are reavers from what passes for any type of power and authority in the whole mid-Atlantic region.

I can see the soles of his feet, or what remains of them. They're mostly raw. Damn, that must have hurt to walk. I won't complain about the hitch in my side.

They didn't even waste a bullet on him, just a quick swing of an obviously sharp blade. I see foot prints in his pooled blood, most going in the same direction. Most, not all. Looks like a scuffle. A knee down? Is that a hand print? Whoever it was, she wasn't killed here. Was she his mother? Would that have been a good or a bad thing?

I have seen enough of those who have joined the so-called White Republic up around Front Royal to know that they were not all bad people, just hungry. They sold their souls for a regular meal. That makes them worse than evil.

How far gone do you have to be to just lop a head off like that?

I can't bury him. I don't have the tools and the soil here ain't easy to dig. The thought that coyotes will get him disturbs me. I can't burn him, that will signal my presence. I'll cover him with rocks.

I cut his binding, but the arms don't move, frozen in place. He hardly weighs anything and the rigidity of his body makes it obscenely easy to move him. I put his head back where it belongs. His purplish face distorts his expression, the torment exacerbated.

How old are you? I cannot tell. Is that Sponge Bob on your shirt? Were you a fan? At first glance, you could pass for an old man.

You survived the outbreak, that's gotta mean something. Though, by the looks of you, even before your capture, you weren't that far from death. Couldn't have been a local, those who have survived are well stocked with food and are fortified enough to deter the raiders, at least for now.

The smoke I saw yesterday evening, bet it was from the refugee camp just outside Culpeper. That's a long reach for the White Republic. Their power is growing.

And what do we do? Those of us who still consider ourselves to be members of that nearly forgotten entity, the United States? We cower in fear, worried about our next meal, about the undead infecting a new wave, about enslavement up north. Well, those of us who are white. The agony is shorter for minorities who fall into their hands, but several orders of magnitude worse. Did your blond hair prolong your suffering?

Who are you? What is your name?

There's nothing in your pockets but a worn piece of paper with writing too faded to read. Looks like it could have been an address. Yours? Did one of your parents write that last year, in case you were separated? Where was your home?

In the ditch I find plenty of silt washed down by the last storm. I know you'll be carried away in the next heavy rain, which, being March, won't be too long, but this is the best I can do.

Did my children meet the same fate? I don't know. I haven't considered that until now. But what right do I have to complain, to beg mercy for them when I did nothing for you or others?

I use a branch to brush away traces of my work and place it on top of the grave. As close to flowers as you'll get for your funeral.

I'm sorry.

I've heard it sung that it ain't no sin to be glad you're alive. And I suppose it's true, the part about being glad. But shouldn't survival be a means, not an end?

I head back up hill, the way I came. I must get back before dark.

Back within the tree-line, what was cooling is now cold. Anger, guilt or relief? I feel all three. That is good.

Thank you.

From:    jsmith@rapidan-publishing.com
Subject: Re: Experiences from the Zombie War
Date:    November 5, 2009 17:45:53 PM EDT
To:      billdrinkmore@bill-lenoir.com

Dear Col. Drinkmore,

Thanks for your submission to our collection of stories we 
are assembling. Unfortunately, we are looking for something 
more upbeat. However, we will reconsider your story should 
we publish another volume with a theme more inline with 
yours.

Regards,
Jennifer Smith
Editorial Assistant

3

28 Days Later
28 Days Later

28 Weeks Later
28 Weeks Later

Days directed by Danny Boyle, Weeks directed by Juan Carlos Fresnadillo

A very important lesson was learned during these movies, but not by someone who was watching them nor for anything specific about the content. I beat the living crap out of the Anderson's boy. We had to take him to the hospital. His father came after me with a gun to even the score, but once he learned what happened, believed the boy got off light. Let me explain.

I'm watching the opening scene of the second movie (28 Weeks Later), utterly filled with terror. The movie making is so good, I feel like I'm there. I've had more than my fair share of encounters with the undead, but the thought that they could run so fast caused me to panic. I wasn't in that room, watching that movie. I couldn't suck in enough air, I got a stitch in my side as if I, too, were running from the infected.

It was at that point that Jacky decided to jump out and scare me. Next thing I know, Javi is pulling me off him. I had grabbed a lamp and was pummeling the boy with it. I feel terrible for what I did, but, dude, that was wrong. He's lucky I didn't have a gun at hand.

That's how good these movies are. You should watch them.

The premise of this story line is that a virus causes the infected to become consumed with a mindless rage, a desire to destroy the uninfected. The initial outbreak seems to occur in London and spreads from there. The first movie, Days, follows a bicycle messenger who wakes up from a coma weeks after the outbreak. He has no idea what happened. The second movie, Weeks, covers the period just before containment of the initial outbreak to its re-emergence. I like the fact that the two movies do not share any characters and that there is a slight overlap in the time period they cover. They come across as independent efforts.

Again, these are a must see. Just be mindful of the lessons you absorb.

First of all, this is not just a fictional story, but that world compares to ours as apples to oranges. I mentioned the sprinting zombies (OK, I realize they are not undead, but, effectively, they are the same), but the rate of infection is just as speedy: within seconds, a healthy human becomes a raging maniac. This requires a completely different mind set. In that world, there can be no room for doubt. True, outbreaks did and still do occur in our world. However, now that we're aware of how to deal with them and have procedures in place to do so, we are extremely unlikely to have another one as serious as the first. Besides, we don't have the resources to deal with the level of effort required to ensure that every single human is free of infection at all times. That would have a seriously negative impact on our quality of life.

Secondly, many characters had a rather blasé attitude towards security, even for our standards. In Days, they camp in the outdoors, with no protection from marauding infected. Sure, they set up watches, but still, you need four walls to be sure of a good night's sleep. And in the final scenes of that movie, at the fortified estate, the military unit certainly didn't practice light and noise discipline. I hardly think the undead would attack piece meal over the course of weeks. Everyone of them within sight and sound range would have made a bee line to the place. And don't get me going on the medical containment security in Weeks.

Selena in 28 Days Later
Selena in 28 Days Later
Sergeant Doyle in 28 Weeks Later
Sergeant Doyle in 28 Weeks Later

These idiosyncrasies did not ruin the movie for me because the characters more than made for them. Each movie had someone I'd want on my team during a crisis. Selena from Days is a woman who knows how to survive and doesn't hesitate to do what's necessary. She may be so tightly wound up that she couldn't re-adjust to a new normality, but during SHTF, she'll have your back. Sergeant Doyle from Weeks is a well trained US Army sniper. Not only can he effectively deal with Zed, he can be just as ruthless with "normals" of ill intent. And, yet, he comes across as a nice guy when not in crisis mode. This is a rarity since someone who works well during SHTF tends not to be a well adjusted person when things return to normality (myself, for example).

Anyways, see this movie, but with a grain of salt. Oh, and make sure the house is empty of pain in the ass neighbor kids, just in case.

Zombieland
Zombieland

directed by Ruben Fleischer

I so wanted to hate this movie. It's another instance where I got screwed out of the recognition I deserve. I signed on as a consultant to help the screen writers get the details right. I do a fair amount of this kind of work due to my varied experiences during the zombie war. And what happens? They base the two male characters largely on me and yet, no mention of my name in the credits. True, they took some artistic license with the facts: I am better looking than either actor, wear a much nicer hat and had a thing for Hostess apple pies, not Twinkies. Just once, I'd like the world to know my story.

Like I said, I went into this movie filled with a rage burning brighter than a thousand suns. But those bastards made a great movie! I can't hate it. Sure, I can quibble with some of the details — explain to me how rotting flesh can run a 4.4 forty? — but over all, sound advice has been packaged in an great story.

The list of rules that Columbus generated is absolutely brilliant. I wish I could lay claim to that idea (though I did live by rules, I never wrote them down, dammit!). While some of these are obvious and covered in other sources like The Zombie Survival Guide, he came up with a few that I had not considered, such as:

Rule 2: Beware of Bathrooms

A very good idea since they usually have only a single entry point, it would be easy to become trapped.

Rule 7: Keep the Dumb Dumbs Close at Hand

This is a variant of the "You don't have to be faster than the bear" rule. It's kinda cold, and I wouldn't use this strategy with just anyone (say a child or the elderly), but with someone who should otherwise know better and is a pain in the ass? Sure. Better him than me.

Rule 24: No Drinking

Ah, I would have thought that this would be a tough one for me, but given that I didn't have time to chill for the first few weeks after the outbreak, I never even considered taking a nip. But it's true, in a world where you are prey, you cannot afford to check out mentally, even for a few hours.

Rule 4: Doubletap

This is one rule with which I might have an argument, but if you listen closely to Columbus's explanation, he limits its applicability. Still, it's important to remember your goal when combatting zombies: you don't necessarily want to kill them, you need to eliminate them as a threat. If you're on the run and you put a zed down, it don't matter if he's still a twitcher. Don't stick around to finish the job, get the hell out of there!

Go see this movie! Yes, you will be riveted by the well written story and believable characters. More important, though, you will learn useful tips that may save your life should we experience another outbreak.

The Mist by Stephen King
The Mist by Stephen King

by Stephen King

[Updated to remove reference to my no longer used Star Rating system.]

Are you ready for the end of the world? Truly, right now, if it happened, would you be prepared? It's one thing to talk and write about it, but another to experience it. We are better equipped today to handle this than we were pre-SHTF, but only because we have experienced the end of the world and survived. And when ours occurred, it started slowly, like a brush fire. We had days, or at least hours, to grok what was happening and take steps to deal with it. But what if it came out of the blue? Suppose your first inkling of the undead was a zombie battering down the conference room door during your weekly status meeting? I bet you wouldn't be here today.

Stephen King, a famous writer from before World War Z, wrote a piece of fiction that masterfully addresses this issue: The Mist, part of his collection of short stories titled Skeleton Crew. It has recently been made into a movie directed by Frank Darabont. I am covering both instances of this story in a single review because there is very little substantive difference between the two.

WARNING: Here there be spoilers!

The trigger is the eponymous mist that envelops the town as cover for, or perhaps the cause of, a range of otherworldly creatures that seek to end the world as we know it. Luck is the first variable that determines who survives. No matter how well prepared you might be, physically and mentally, if you are caught in the wrong place, you're dead. Even if you weren't, though, this would have been a difficult event to cope with emotionally. I dare say few would be able to redraw their mental maps in order to account for a bestiary that ranges from vulture-sized creatures with a poisonous sting to enormous, many legged monsters capable of crushing buildings. As in Mr. King's story, most would go insane.

Another issue dealt with masterfully here is how to pace yourself. If you are able to estimate how long an event might last, you could ration your energy and supplies to get you to that point. But when you have no clue, this becomes impossible. Is it a matter of hours, days or even years? You can't live minute-to-minute that way. You'll exhaust yourself and fall pray to an otherwise avoidable mistake. In the story, the question of whether or not one should leave the sanctuary of the store continuously arises. The place is an excellent location in which to hole up: you have plenty of supplies and, after a certain amount of work, it's reasonably secure. It won't last forever, though. Either your supplies or patience will run out. If only you know how long until it might be over. This is a key question for everyone who faces a TEotWaWKI event. It drives everything from when to seek shelter to when to abandon it. The tragic ending of the movie version – one of the few places where it differs from the short story – clearly demonstrates the problem of pacing one's self.

Finally, and most importantly, is the question of leadership. As demonstrated in Lucifer's Hammer, you cannot avoid this issue. Somebody will become alpha, it's just a question of who. It's in your best interest to ensure that this person is on your side. There are two characters in The Mist who step up to fill the leadership void, none of whom I'd want to be my alpha. The first, Brent Norton, is a man who couldn't redraw his mental map. He refused to believe in the danger that his eyes plainly told him existed. As a result, he lead several people to their deaths in a misguided attempt to seek help. The second, Mrs. Carmody, clearly saw that the events matched her world view: God is punishing us for our sins. I do not believe you could have done anything about the first, Brent was dead set on his path. The religious nut, however, would not have had an audience to sway to her point of view if someone else offered a viable alternative. If no one else is filling the void, you should step up.

Overall, I highly recommend this story, both in video and textual form. It is well written and acted. You will be entertained. It also clearly demonstrates lessons you need to learn should you be confronted with yet another end of the world scenario. Beware, though, of the fantastical nature of the harbinger of doom in this story. As something so different from real life experiences, I fear people will ignore any lessons it has to offer. If I could go back in time and warn the world about the impending zombie outbreak, I certainly wouldn't say a word about the undead. I would be ignored. Instead, I'd describe the zombies as infected, perhaps rabid, humans who have gone insane, leading them to murderous acts. This, at least, is something people back then could have grasped and dealt with.

Maybe...

3

Lucifer's Hammer by Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle
Lucifer's Hammer by Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle

by Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle

Think back to long before the zombie outbreak and war. How would you have reacted if someone told you there was a one in a million chance that zombies would over run the planet in 6 months? You would have laughed, wouldn't you? What if that someone was an authoritative source and she then said it's a one in a thousand chance that it will happen in one month? Even if you had listened and taken steps to prepare, given what you knew then, what could you have done? It is a dilemma similar to this that the authors document in Lucifer's Hammer.

This is another of the old school TEotWaWKI books I told you about about, this one written in the late Seventies. The end of the world mechanism in this case, though, is a comet. Despite that, the lessons the authors impart are perfectly applicable to any real world case. The differences lay in how that catastrophe played itself out. The amount of time between the start and SHTF was measured in minutes for many, hours at the most. And the catastrophe came in three waves: the initial blast, earthquake and tsunami; then the torrential rain that lasted for weeks; and, finally, the complete breakdown of civilized society.

First, there is the issue of how to prepare. In the book, as in real life, people chose a variety of paths: do nothing, flailing about or actually thinking this through. Given that the window for reaction was extremely short, it shouldn't be surprising that most didn't prepare or did so in a panicky manner. I loved the lady would bought a bunch of frozen food. But even for the ones who approached this rationally, what would have been the right thing to do? Most died in the cataclysm that no preparation could have prevented. Those who survived the initial calamity were presented with a completely different world: seas where none existed before, no law enforcement to prevent others from taking your stuff (or your life), transportation network in shambles. There was no way to truly ride this out because you could not predict where parts of the comet would land. Even if you could, preparation would have required a large group of united people on a large piece of productive and protected land with a large amount of supplies stashed away. Again, the chances of TEotWaWKI in this case were quite miniscule, but the preparation required to survive massive and unreliable.

The second relevant issue that the book discusses is how the human mind coped with the disaster. The lessons Lawrence Gonzales chronicled in Deep Survival play out in this story. A good proportion of those who lived through the comet's impact lacked the mental faculty to continue living or at least operating within the new environment. This event required you to radically alter your mental map of the world. Starvation became a real threat, both short and long term. You could not rely on the kindness of strangers. Truly, when you yourself could very easily go hungry in a month, how willing would you be to give a portion of your food stash to someone who cannot reciprocate? It's a sad fact, but a harsh reality. Most starved, especially the elderly and the very young, those who couldn't contribute. Others turned to cannibalism, which itself, though staving off immediate hunger, led to other issues such as the spread of disease and the horror it inspires in others.

The final issue is, as this story clearly demonstrates, that politics abhors a power vacuum. If you do not take steps to fill the leadership void, someone will and you may not like the results. Just ask Cesar Millan. You cannot just hope that things will work out. If you are not willing to step up, then you should find someone to whom you are willing to submit and work your ass off to ensure that you both prevail.

I will discuss further how this story plays out in the TEotWaWKI life cycle after the jump, but there will be SPOILERS.

...continue reading "TEotWaWKI Book Review: Lucifer’s Hammer"

4

USA Today reports that Finger bitten off during California health protest. Specifically:

O'Hanlon said the man got into an argument and fist fight, during which he bit off the left pinky of a 65-year-old man who opposed health care reform.

While this is positioned as an escalation in the fight over health care reform, I'm thinking otherwise. This would be a good time to review your procedures and check supplies, just in case we have another outbreak.

4

Earth Abides by George R. Stewart
Earth Abides by George R. Stewart

by George R. Stewart

I have a stack of old school TEotWaWKI books written long before SHTF. If this book is any indicator of quality, I'm in for a long haul if I follow through on my intention to read them all. My problems with this book lie not just in the advice offered, but primarily in the fact that the characters are extremely boring.

The author posits a world brought to its knees by a virus. The main character, Isherwood Williams, was laid low by a snake bite when the pandemic swept away most of mankind, so he was not around to witness the unfolding catastrophe. Upon recovery, he stumbles through the world like a drunk waking up from an epic bender. The book follows him as he embarks on an odyssey from California to New York and then back to the west coast, where he settles and lives out the remaining decades of his life. The only reason I did not toss this book unfinished, is that I found the window into 1950s America to be fascinating, if somewhat repugnant.

First of all, do NOT look to this book for advice. You will find nothing here worthwhile. Some of the lessons taught:

  • Canned food lasts forever, so don't bother with farming or hunting/gathering.
  • Do not look to the library for reference material should you actually set out to improve your life. A real man can figure it out on his own.
  • Whatever you do, do not accept the mentally defective into your group. If you are stuck with one, you should kill or run the person off.

Ish would frequently give impassioned speeches about something that they must do, but there would be no follow up. As long as folks' immediate needs were being met, nobody did anything to improve their future prospects. For example, the water flowed freely from everyone's faucets: fine, dandy, what do we need to worry about? Water mains start breaking: no problems, some people still get water. Slowly but surely, their options dwindled until they were forced to gather water from streams. This process was repeated time and again with food, shelter and other necessities. No wonder their civilization ceased to exist.

To call this anti-intellectualism would be to imply an active opposition to thought. It is true the they discouraged their children from reading too much because it might make them think too much. For the most part, though, it was just laziness. Combine this with their opposition to anything sensual and you have a recipe for death by ennui. In addition to the above mentioned lack of desire for good food, sex was only for procreation. Anyone who seemed to exhibit desire, was castigated, labelled a bad person.

It's a wonder, given this window into life half a century before the true end of the world, that we didn't experience it much soon.

Dead City by Joe McKinney
Dead City by Joe McKinney

by Joe McKinney

Now that enough time has past, survivors of the zombie catastrophe are writing memoirs of their experience. Dead City, which takes place in San Antonio and is the story of one of a local cop, is just such a book. Unlike most authors, McKinney does have the ability to write well. It's his story telling that is lacking. My reactions while reading this were equal parts, "Woah, that couln't be!" and "What's the point?"

One thing I always find interesting in these types of books is the speculation as to what caused the dead to rise. In this case, the author believes a particularly nasty hurricane stirred something up on the Gulf Coast that then spread to the rest of the nation. I think it's pretty clear that China was the source and that the plague's outbreak in Texas was just coincident with that storm. I'm not going to argue the point, though.

I have a bigger beef with the fact that he says his son, though wounded, did not become infected. Despite the author's contention that this was caused by a zombie, there's no way that child could have survived. I've heard of bite victims immediately amputating the affected limb to save themselves, but have never witnessed such an event. I can only conclude that if the kid was injured, it was not by a zombie.

The thing to keep in mind about this story is that it covers just the first day or so of the outbreak. Knowing that, I cannot blame him for some of the tactical errors he made, such as being cornered in a warehouse. He should be thankful that he didn't pay the ultimate price for his mistakes.

There's plenty of other books of a similar nature out there that would make for far better reads. However, lacking other options, this is book will pass the time.

1

It is becoming clear that World War Z could have been prevented. Between ludicrous positioning of medical research labs and the less than stellar performance of the authorities, it's a wonder that humanity is not extinct.

We now learn that scientists had developed a model of a potential zombie outbreak before SHTF. This is documented in When Zombies Attack!: Mathematical Modeling of an Outbreak of Zombie Infection (pdf). The conclusion of this is quite prescient:

In summary, a zombie outbreak is likely to lead to the collapse of civilisation, unless it is dealt with quickly. While aggressive quarantine may contain the epidemic, or a cure may lead to coexistence of humans and zombies, the most effective way to contain the rise of the undead is to hit hard and hit often.

The inference in the paper is that the collapse of civilization is equivalent to extinction. It did not seem to occur to the authors that a new civilization would arise from the ashes, albeit one largely based on the world as we knew it. Truly, that which did not kill us, made us stronger.